Fascinating Four Questions For Larra Francesca Lasam
By Leslie Mhirabelle Miraflor
When Larra Francesca Lasam was 11 years old, she and her cousins were at a fiesta in Olango Island, where they were practicing to be backup dancers for a local pageant. Suddenly, when a transformer broke, the power went out. She “had the urge to answer the call of nature,” so she went to the bathroom with one of her cousins close by, who volunteered to bring a candle for some light.
Then, there was a loud bang, followed by a split second of light. The candle they brought caught on fire because of a leak of gas from an LPG that was used when the adults were cooking food for the fiesta. – and then excruciating pain. The blow caused her to suffer second and third-degree burns on 46% of her body. She described it as “getting burned with hot oil 500,000 times.” She then spent two months in the hospital and underwent nine operations.
Over the years, Larra, now a 22-year-old psychology student, built the internal aspects of herself, built her character, and now advocates self-love, acceptance and growth by sharing her story of survival through tough times.
In her words: “I built Larra without the physical aspects first.”
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This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Leslie Mhirabelle Miraflor: How did it feel when the accident happened?
Larra Francesa Lasam: I didn't feel like it was real when it happened. Like, “Bro, this only happens in the movies.” Imagine getting burned with hot oil 500,000 times. When the accident happened, it was really painful. I screamed and shouted and I tried to find ways to get out of the comfort room, and I saw a bucket of water and dipped my head in it, hoping it was just a dream. And that when I resurfaced from the bucket, I would wake up — but I didn't wake up.
My cousin got us out of the comfort room and as I was seeking refuge, there was a mirror. It was like a scene from a movie when I saw my reflection and I stood in front of the mirror and asked whoever was there responsible for what happened or like I was just asking the universe, “What will my life be after this?”
Leslie: What was your journey through self-love and acceptance?
Larra: Right off the bat, the first thing I asked my Aunt when I got out of the comfort room was, “How about the scars?” So it was really about my physical appearance for me. Way before the accident, I was already an insecure girl but that wasn't shown, kind of, to the world. People looked at me as a confident person, but I was really insecure about the scars on my knees because I had a fun childhood. So that was a huge insecurity for me way before the accident, much more after I got into the accident, which was kind of like the “sungog [teasing]” from the universe. Like “Oh, you’re worried about your knees? Let me give you more!”
The universe really teased me, and in the hospital, after the accident, I was constantly asking about what I will look like after I get out of the hospital. And people would tell me “You'd look more than beautiful, all the scars that you think you’ll have, you won’t have it.” And for so long, I held on to that.
After the accident, I saw scars on my face and my body, and I didn't wanna go out of the house ‘cause when I saw people's reactions when they saw me, it was heartbreaking for a 12-year-old girl and I got more insecure so my mom made me this long — I really talk a lot so my stories come from way back, so forgive me for this — but yeah, my mom had to think of ways for to get me out of the house. We had spare masks from my uncle, who was a seafarer, and she was like, “Do you wanna go out and start school again? And, maybe cover, if you want to cover yourself.”
Because I wasn't ready to go out into the world. As much as I hate to admit it, during that time, I wanted to be like “I’m not insecure, this is me, this is my way of telling the world that face doesn't matter.” But, to the core, I was insecure and the way I coped with it was to cover myself with masks and cardigans and I did that for seven years.
I was known at school as the girl who wore masks and cardigans, before the pandemic happened, before the Korean era, I was wearing masks and cardigans. Bro, it was me, I started it all. People would always ask, “Isn’t it hot,” or say, “Ah, maybe you’re a K-Pop fan.” All sorts of assumptions were made.
Although I would say that all the conversations I’ve had with the people I live life with made me realize that maybe it's OK to take my mask off because there came a point where I wanted to live life without wanting to care about what other people might think of me anymore. I grew tired of needing to make sure I had a mask on. I just got tired of hiding and I realized that hiding from the world also meant hiding from myself, and I didn't wanna do that anymore.
But I just wanna say that even through all that, I had an innate knowing of worth and value to myself that's way past physical. I knew that there is so much more to me than what people will see.
My speech mentor asked me: “Why won't you take your mask off, you said it was a long time ago.” I used to find those questions uncomfortable, but I just said “I don't really like people's reactions.” And she said, “What about people's reactions?” And these were just reactions I wasn't ready for and I thought they'd think badly of me. But then she said something about, “Oh, you assume that people will see you that way.” And, I was like, “Oh, yeah.”
It was such a lightbulb moment; those were my assumptions about how people would think about me or how they'd react when they see me. It was such a catapulting moment of “Maybe what I thought people think of me is actually how I think of myself.” I psychoanalyzed myself technically and I realized I had to think well of myself, I had to be my own supporter. And all this time, all these deprecating tendencies that I thought were judgements from other people imposed on me were the judgements I had of myself, and I had to work on that. I had to go through what I went through to understand so I can fully stand my ground.
Leslie: Is there a story you wanna tell that you haven't been able to tell, Or have never said out loud?
Larra: A story I didn't really post or share on my social media is the reason why I took my mask off. This isn't solely the reason why I did it, but a huge chunk of it, or something that sparked it. Part of the reason was a dude.
So we started talking, and it became a mutual understanding. and as this insecure person that I am, I was like, “You're this beautiful creature, and I'm not. I have scars all over my body.” And he was like, “Thank you for seeing me as a wonderful person, but I wouldn't put myself down like how you did.”
It was something of that sort that’s like, “I would never do that to myself.” That's what he said. And we were talking about skincare, and I thought “Bruh, why are you talking about skincare? I don't even have skin.” But he went on talking about skincare and asking me about my skincare.
And I was like “Uhhh, I don't really have skincare, I just use whatever soap is available in the bath. Also, uhmmm, you haven't already noticed, but I'm wearing masks and cardigans and I have scars all over my body. People don’t really see it or notice it when they're far, but when they're up close they see it.” He was like, “Oh, but that's OK because you're more than a face.”
For so long I know that my friends and my family embody the statement ‘You're more than a face, you're more than your scars, you're more than what you look like’ through their actions, but it hits differently when someone articulates it for you and says it to you directly. So while I hate to admit that it was part of the reason why I took my mask off, he was really part of it.
You know that cliche that goes: “The universe gives you people who you need most to extract lessons from.” I'd say it was that.
Leslie: Do you ever get scared when boys or love life are in the picture?
Larra: My gosh, another storytime. So when I was in Bohol with my cousin, we wanted to try out the nightlife. I was wearing a hoodie and shorts and we were dancing, new to the scene, so it was dorky dancing. We were having fun singing and jumping.
Long story short, there was this really good-looking dude that I had my eyes on. And fast forward, he was behind me, and my cousins told me it was a sign because he was far away and now he's right beside you now. Lo and behold, there was a brownout and people shouted and stuff and we were there for only barely 20 minutes, and he was like coming towards us and I just yeeted the other way. I was scared.
When it comes to showing myself and my scars to other people I’m OK, but intimacy with another person, it feels sensitive. I’m not there yet. My thought process was “He's gonna ask me what happened to me, and I don't wanna dive deep into it. I just wanna have fun tonight”
I don’t think the insecurity is gonna go away completely. I think you're gonna have to fight it off every single time. That's what I’ve been learning recently.
Leslie: What do you think is the most underrated thing about you?
Larra: I think my “fascinating feature” would be the wisdom of going past people's facades and seeing people for who they are. I guess an advantage of the things that I went through is that I get to go past what people think is valuable. Well, it is valuable to look presentable and to present yourself in a beautiful way. I do not undermine the importance of physicalities because we live in this reality, but it gave me a unique perspective on going past that. Looking past externalities and it started with myself. I needed to look past myself beyond physicalities so I can look people past theirs.
Leslie: What are some things you wanna do before you're 30?
Larra: This is the heftiest dream I have: I wanna build a foundation for burn survivors in the Philippines because they don't have it here. I also wanna publish a book. I wanna be a world-renowned inspirational speaker. I wanna give so much of the things I learned from what I went through to people; to people who need it.
I think there are times when we get to a point in our lives where we overcome something but we all need reminders and I want my life to be a reminder to people, when they see me or come across the things that I do that “hey maybe life is worth living, maybe life is worth more than my woes and worries, more than my insecurities”.
The things I want before I’m 30, and I think I’m starting to get there; I think I’m building steps to get there, but I want to build a movement for people so that they know that they are more than who they think they are and they embody it in themselves so that others can be inspired by that.
Larra and Leslie conducted the interview through Zoom on Friday, August 23, 2022.
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Images from Larra Francesca Lasam’s Facebook Page
