The Free-Flowing River Called Jeremy Fang

Jeremy’s going all monocromatic in this photo.

During my time participating in high school Model United Nations (an extracurricular activity where nerds pay an unreasonable sum of money to go to a five-star hotel and debate issues even expert diplomats cannot solve themselves), I’ve had the pleasant opportunity to meet talented young people — then obliterate them when the debate starts. I’ve sparred with them in several committee rooms; discussed American politics whilst eating at the Cheesecake Factory; I may have shared my disappointment of their positions by evoking the artistic stylings of Cardi B. MUN — for the bulk of it — is tedious and annoying in nature, but all’s well that ends well. I certainly had a good time with the people I got to meet.

One of the MUN people I was fortunate to meet and work with was Jeremy Fang. For most of the time that we’ve conversed, he was my boss. In fact, the bulk of the Facebook messages we’ve sent to each other are about the “strict” deadlines I missed. (I’m a busy person. What can I say?) He’s a sensible and sympathetic man, and I can prove that claim with the multiple extensions he gave me to finish my work. (He’s a nice person. What can he say?)

There have been several times, however, when we ditch the professional conversation to indulge in some off-the-cuff banter. Here’s a classic I often think about; it’s a text exchange between me and Jeremy that started off professional but then got a bit out-of-hand, I suppose.

. . .

A March Evening with Jeremy Fang

(Shortened and revised for clarity and privacy)

Mikael: Hi Jeremy, so my edits are finished. Let me know if you need anything added to it.

Jeremy: Amazing, thank you so much! I think that’s all we have for you, I owe you a bubble tea.

Mikael: LOL Nah, don’t worry. Use the money for student loans or something.

Jeremy: Ahahahaha it’s okay. For everything you’ve done for me this year. I owe you one.

Mikael: Wait, what did I do?

Jeremy: Just being a good person. I am indebted to you.

Mikael: Oh wow, thank you so much. This seems like a prelude to marriage, Jeremy.

Jeremy: You read my mind. *sends diamond ring emoji*

Mikael: 

Omg, this is unbelievable,

but I’ll have to say no.

My heart belongs to…

Matthew.

No.

Peter.

Alec?

Jeremy: *sends broken heart emoji*

Mikael: I don’t know. At least one of them.

Jeremy: I’m...I can’t believe it...So many others…*sends multiple crying emojis* I thought I was the one! *sends multiple crying emojis*

Mikael: I know. I’m so sorry. I wish I can pick everyone, but I can only pick…

Ethan,

or Vincent

or Owen.

Jeremy: Hey what the...I want Owen! We’re gonna have a problem here. *sends steam from nose emoji* 

Mikael: Fine. You can have Owen. I’ll get Peter, and then we can live our lives like Harry and Meghan — but without the racist parts.

Jeremy: Wow, okay. Ethan isn’t good enough for you. I see. I’ll be sure to pass that on.

Mikael: Fine. Ethan and I will live out our lives in Florida. Like Donald and Melania. Better?

Jeremy: Love that. Wait, which one of you is Trump??

Mikael: You know, I’ve been compared to Melania before.

Jeremy: I’d believe it. *sends heart eyes emoji* I’d say she should be compared to you.

Mikael: We’re both models. Both immigrants. But unfortunately, I don’t plagiarize speeches — so that’s a difference.

Jeremy: Ah, you’re right. I’m sorry I even compared you two. You are not obviously so many levels above her. Wait, I mean ‘just obviously.’ Wtf. Where’d that come from? Oops.

. . .

These kinds of conversations, although very amusing and whimsical, make it all more unfortunate to know that Jeremy and I are not friends. Based on our interactions, we’re surely more than just acquaintances, but I don’t think we know each other well enough to say that we’re friends. It’s one of those “one that got away” situations where I look back and realize that I missed the chance to have him in my social circle. He’s not necessarily in the circle; he’s perhaps on the edge of it — which is just a shame.

What a total nerd!

The eagerness to be a bit closer to Jeremy stems from my preconceived notions about him. I assumed that an incoming Georgetown freshman like him would fit into my box of stereotypes surrounding successful people. If I put someone in that box of stereotypes, I see them as a diligent, intelligent and resilient person who can (and will) rise to any occasion. That description certainly fits Jeremy Fang, but that paints him in a way that distorts the truth about him to seem that he’s nothing short of amazing.

He fills his free time with “a lot of procrastination,” he admitted, debunking my thought that he was up-to-speed with his work. “That’s one big thing: I’m a big procrastinator,” he repeated. He is also “actually surprisingly disorganized” despite the amount and kind of work he does for MUN, debate and the other things on his plate. “Quite disorganized,” he reiterated.

What I was more enamoured with was the idea that he’s not the competitive person that I assumed he was. When you meet Jeremy and get to know him, he doesn’t show any signs of competitiveness at all. Not that he isn’t competitive; it’s just there’s nothing he does or says evokes tense rivalry. I could take his warm disposition at face value, but I’ve had to keep in mind that ruthless players have their poker faces. Therefore, I was more inclined to believe that Jeremy was low-key competitive.

Jeremy was quick to dispel my guess. “The only thing I get competitive in, it would be sports,” he told me. Although he said there’s an underlying answer to why he’s not competitive, he noted that he hasn’t properly thought it through to fully explain himself. He can only explain it, for now, through his past experiences with the cutthroat nature of high school academia. “I think competitiveness in school often gets drawn parallel to ambition, and I would say that’s just not true. I know plenty of people who are very ambitious people who aren’t particularly competitive and academic. They aren’t always ‘This person got a 97’ and ‘Oh, I need to get a 98.’”

To further bust the myths, Jeremy also said that he won’t cry if he got a 38 out of 100. (I can’t say I believe him entirely, but I’m willing to suspend disbelief for him.) “Marks aren’t something that I’m caught up with. I care about them, but I won’t die over them.” His slight adversarial approach towards stressing over grades is his way of resistance to being stuck in situations where he’s overly fixated on the numbers written on his report cards. “It’s almost like I value positive relations. It gets quite cutthroat. It gets quite negative, and those are things that I don’t really surround myself with within [my] life in general.”

Since he was closing his eyes, I’m not sure if he knew where the camera was.

What he values more, above any grade in AP Mandarin or Calculus, is living in the moment. While there are those people who “will spend a Friday night working on some school assignments,” he’ll be the guy sitting at home to watch TV or walking around a park to hang out with his friends. “There [are] certain trade-offs I’m willing to make to enjoy myself more than I think I would if I was doing academics,” Jeremy said. “You can pass up an opportunity and not think much of it, or pass up an opportunity and regret it a lot in the future. And so, one of the things I would’ve regretted is not experiencing senior year in comparison to grinding my ass off 24/7, trying to be super competitive academically.”

Jeremy is no fan of stereotyping whatsoever. When I asked him what his friends would say about him, his response was rather pointed and antagonistic to the question. “I hate this question with a passion,” he declared. “I think it’s a very superficial question.” The question is not a stranger to him since it was plastered on every college application as either an essay prompt or an interview topic. “It’s almost like you’re stereotyping yourself in a sense. ‘Oh, a stereotypical Jeremy day is doing this. A stereotypical Jeremy day is doing that. A stereotypical Jeremy attitude is doing this.’” 

“I think the best people to ask that [question], genuinely, are the friends. Not the person who is being asked the question. Even in this interview, you had a very different perception of how I operate, like ticking-off a checklist, in comparison to me, [who’s] sort of a free-flowing, living life kind of guy.” Then I compared him to a river. “Yeah, river. That’s a good way of putting it,” he replied.

The answer to what the stereotypical Jeremy would/could/should will depend on which crowd you’re talking to. For instance: if you’re going to ask some of his MUN friends, perhaps expect to have them describe Jeremy as some sort of “redneck camper”. He told me about a running joke his friends concocted, which was inspired by his music choices. 

“The stereotype was that I listen to country music. Because I was like, ‘Oh, on camping trips, and sometimes you’re in a bus or you’re in a...I don’t know...a giant van or something. You know, you just bump some country really loud. And it fits the atmosphere. It’s all about the atmosphere. Country fits the atmosphere.”

Jeremy’s lack of hesitation to “bumping” country music has led to the “country-loving camper” label pasted on him. The perception is not particularly accurate since Jeremy noted that he doesn’t “bump” country on a daily basis nor does he play it every time he’s in the wilderness. “When we’re camping, country music appears maybe once every twenty songs,” he told me.

The slightly false assumption doesn’t bother Jeremy, however; in fact, he can see where it’s coming from and tolerates it for everyone’s benefit. “As much as I say it’s a stereotype, I don’t think it’s a stereotype. I think it’s just the other aspect of my life they’re not as familiar with.” 

Although I did get glimpses of how his friends have moulded what Jeremy’s image would/could/should be, I wasn’t able to ask them directly about what they can say about Jeremy as a person. I don’t think, however, that would have been necessary anyway. Anyone can infer what Jeremy’s true self looks like just by listening to the anecdotes he shares. 

From left to right: Peter Zhang, Jeremy Fang, Jae Wu Chun.

They call themselves the Asian Jonas Brothers. Feel free to label which Jonas brother is which.

Peter’s the hot one, so he’s Nick Jonas.

It’d be fair to say that Jeremy makes his fair share of deceitful actions, but not the kind that would sink ships and break hearts. Jeremy is rather quite keen on engaging in duplicity in the name of humour. One example that comes to mind is the time when Jeremy successfully fooled the gullible Lincoln Lee, a person we mutually know.

Lincoln and Jeremy extensively worked together as part of CAHSMUN 2021’s secretariat team, cooperating for days on end to prepare for the conference. But despite the intense teamwork and bonding, Lincoln did not have the basic information about his colleagues right. For months, Lincoln thought that Jeremy and Betty, another person in the secretariat team, were in Grade 11. (Both Jeremy and Betty were in Grade 12 at the time.) Such a predicament was holy ground for mishaps.

“When we first got the [CAHSMUN] website set up, [Lincoln] asked why it said that Betty and I had us as Grade 12s,” said Jeremy. The team would change it to say that they were Grade 11 but then change it back to Grade 12 a few weeks later.

The age prank eventually wound down and Jeremy (alongside the rest of the team) had to tell Lincoln the truth.

But that was merely the beginning of a long-running facade.

“So Lincoln started asking, ‘Oh, since you guys are in Grade 12, where are you going for university?’ Betty gives a serious answer. I say Chad, the country,” Jeremy said. After introducing the lie to Lincoln, he then started “pulling random things out of his ass” to corroborate this made-up story of him going to Chad.

Jeremy began describing the backstory with a truth. “So it started with me telling him that a teacher from my school would always send a MUN or debate person to this really obscure international school, but they always do really well — which is actually true,” he said. “But then, I made up that someone went to East Europe. I made up that someone went somewhere in Africa as well. I made up that someone went to France.”

He continued to lie by saying he “jokingly said yes” when he was invited to go to Chad, but he said after researching about the program, a genuine interest sparked within him. “And so the program I said I signed up for was Urban Studies and I was going to look at the development of Chad as a country. I said that one of the main incentives for me going was that I would get a lot of on-the-ground experience because the program allows me to travel around Chad to see the various regions of Chad and work with the locals.”

Jeremy lied that the program “really spoke to him. I even researched a full flight plan. I was like, ‘Oh yeah, I’ll fly from Vancouver to Hamburg. I’ll have a 20-hour layover, and then I’ll fly to Cairo. Then I’ll have another 16-hour layover before I fly into Chad.”

To paraphrase Taylor Swift: I don’t know about you, but who would think he told the truth?

I suppose Lincoln would be one of the few in the world who’d believe it.

Clearly, only one of them is enthusiastic enough to look at the camera.

That’s not to say that Jeremy was believed without any sort of skepticism or disbelief. Fellow CAHSMUN secretariat member Owen Ebose, who was not aware of the hoax, “grilled” Jeremy for more details. “So for ten minutes, [Owen’s] sitting on Zoom with everyone and grills me. Like he’s grilling me, trying to figure out why I’m going to Chad,” Jeremy said. “I just started rattling things off the dome and it seemed to work.”

Owen kept asking Jeremy “really, really specific questions” that should have been hard for Jeremy to answer given that it was just a prank, but he somehow got through the myriad of inquiries. Think of it like a nerdy version of Benghazi: Owen was the Republican party, while Jeremy was Hillary. “It was like I was on trial court, man,” Jeremy said. “I was on the stand and [Owen’s] grilling me.”

“[Owen] actually said that he started believing me because I kept giving specific but vague answers,” Jeremy continued.

The star of this exchange wasn’t Jeremy or Owen, it was Lincoln. “The best part was Lincoln, he was like, ‘Owen, I know I’ve been tricked earlier, but I can tell you with confidence that Jeremy’s going to Chad.’ And so, eventually, we had to break the news to him that I’m not going to Chad. Chad is just another running joke.” 

The aforementioned anecdote, along with a smattering collection of stories that will perhaps be shared in another time, only makes the unfortunate circumstance of the two of us not being friends more pronounced. I don’t know what my day would look like when I’m with a friend like Jeremy, but I’m sure it’ll be quite a day. Jeremy really is, to me, the one that got away.

But I’m sure we’ll cross paths someday. I’m not sure when that’d be, but when that time comes, I’d be more than willing to think of that re-encounter as a second chance. It’ll be another second chance to actually become friends who listen to country music on the radio of a van while we drive to our camping getaway. Perhaps Jeremy and I may meet again in Chad, studying Urban Studies. 

Recommended Songs:

Jump Then Fall (Taylor’s Version) - Taylor Swift

Take Me Home, Country Roads - John Denver